To my church,
whom I love.
I am angry.
I am angry we prioritize politics
over our relationships with each other.
I am angry that members of our community
threaten to leave when their
demands aren't met
the temper tantrum of a petulant child
I am frustrated.
I am frustrated that hours upon hours
years upon years of work
done by so many different people
is so quickly dismissed by those
newly educated on the subject
by those scared of change
or spending a little money.
I am disappointed.
I am disappointed that we
as a church
missed a chance to speak
the prophetic voice in our world
we could have no longer been a thermometer reflecting society
but the thermostat dictating change
I am disappointed that in efforts
to appease the loudest
we have allowed the silent to stay ignored.
I am sad. I am sad for our divisions.
I grieve for schisms rendered
and relationships broken.
I am sad we remain stuck
able to go neither forward nor back.
But I have hope.
I have hope for the conversations I have seen
the dissimilar theologies and worldviews
committing to developing relationships
I have hope for the young voices I heard
voices that demand our ears
and our respect
not simply because they are young
but because they hold the
and commitment to reconciliation
that will guide this church forward.
And I have faith.
Even at my lowest points
when I doubted God's presence in our midst
when I questioned the motives of voting members
even as the dreams and visions I held for this week
dissolved as chalk on sidewalk in the rain
I have faith.
For while I lament
I know it is not our will, but His be done
and while we may not know where that takes us
my dear church
it's exactly where we need to be.
and my sadness
my dear PCUSA,
I love you.