Easter Sunday, 2012

Empty seems to have a

negative connotation

glass half empty

like a bad attitude

we like things that are full

overflowing

filled beyond belief

yet the story of Easter

isn't about what is full

it isn't about presence

but the lack of it.

it turns our desires

our notions of what is good

and makes us question it.

Jesus only appears to a few disciples

the rest of us have only an empty tomb

not presence

but a void

not evidence

but only the glimmer of hope

that allows faith to grow.

Lent-Day 40

Cracks in the armor

spaces through which the

light shines through

revealing bits of themselves

that hurt

that are painful

that make them vulnerable.

even when the tomb

seems dark

and empty

cold

and sad

you have to remember:

Easter is coming.

Lent-Day 39

Darkness can hold comfort

it covers transgressions

fears

insecurities

like a comforting blanket

of warmth.

Candles hold the key

the Spirit present in the group

holding attention

not about each light, each person

but about the "we"

a community of light

that only full realizes itself

when darkness is all around.

Lent-Day 38

Peace feels

like falling

falling

falling

seeing the ground

rise up to meet you

a wall you can't escape

fear

terror

coursing through every

crevice of your soul

and then landing

like a fragile egg

on the downiest of pillows

safe.

peace.

Lent-Day 37

I'm back among the books

searching for the words of wisdom

that will bring peace

Beckoning for the comfort of Grandpa

to still my heart

speak to my soul

in ways I can learn to hear.

I hunger for knowledge

books call to me

to challenge the ways I view the world

that have become static

entrenched in the dust and dirt

that comes with too little usage.

My thirst is for purpose

not identity

but meaning.

Do I assign value, meaning?

Or are the definitions found somewhere deep within?

Lent-Day 36

So many say

"Listen to God."

But I'm not really sure it's that easy.

I'm just not sure when it is

that God is speaking

while my mind is chattering away

like members of a Sunday morning brunch group.

"Listen, he'll speak."

Through a person?

Through a symbol?

maybe I'm making it too difficult

when really it's simple

and I just haven't learned how.

I crave silence

but even when my ears hear nothing

my senses are clouded by the dull roar

of everything flowing through my head

crashing like ocean waves

upon the clarity I desperately desire.

Listen?

While I know everyone wants the best for me

I can't help but detect agendas, plans

beyond my control.

The idea of God controlling my life doesn't scare me

as much as the notion that the people of God are trying to

I don't want to turn independence into a god

rather

it seems to lead me to Him.

So I'm trying to listen to God

but that still small voice struggles to be heard

in the clamor.

Lent-Day 35

I've been thinking

wrestling with my

restless nature

wondering why I keep searching

looking

wandering.

It has occurred to me

that writing

holds hope.

So many of my projects

thoughts

dreams

deal with the power

of pen

and paper.

Perhaps purpose can be found

through this passion.

Lent-Day 34

if something tickles your core

consider it a foot in the door

for the more time we spend

in the ways we're intended

we're ourselves more than ever before.

when we allow the Spirit to search us

our lives are filled with purpose

we'll find ourselves places we never imagined

we'll recognize friends we've never shook hands with

a community that will not desert us.

Lent-Day 33

Wisdom

like a seed

needs to be nurtured.

Cultivated.

It can lay dormant.

Quiet.

Asleep.

But given the right conditions

the seed can

grow

grow

grow.

A plant is never complete

never done changing

but "success" for a plant

if possible

is sowing

new seeds.

Lent-Day 32

Smell can conjure such memories

the simplest scents carry the

weight of our lives

trapped within

so walking into a library

full of those musty books on faith

I feel presence.

I walk into Grandpa's study,

grab a book

and start to read.

Grandpa sits down next to me

and does the same.

Lent-Day 31

What is our greatest fear?

The unknown.

But what is the unknown

if not misrepresented as failure?

We're scared of what is different.

Hard.

Uncomfortable.

Yet somehow fear encourages growth.

For who can become

without being pushed

prodded

pulled

beyond their comfort level

and into the realm of uncertainty?

Certainly not me.

The question is then asked:

How to be something different than stability?

For fear can push us

but it can also

hold us down

unable to take a step forward.

Lent-Day 30

I think people spend their lives

searching for freedom.

A life, year, day, even brief moment of

release

peace

from the burdens weighing them down.

But I think a solution is fear.

That moment when your heart jumps

starts beating like a drumline in rhythm

hammering with force enough to build a home

you're nervous

anxious

And then

finally

it happens

right when you lift off.

Fear.

Release.

Peace.

Lent-Day 29

Like the trials before success

Lent hits with the rains of drudgery

mired in the mud

struggling to strive towards the light of

springtime

newness

resurrection.

the months of heavenly tears

can draw to a close

the rays of warmth can begin to

pierce the wall of clouds

holding darkness in

spring is coming

spring is coming

a new day is about to begin.