Farewell, Tucson

To my communities: to 1229, to the Vsers and JVs, to CHRPA

I'm leaving

goodbye my friends

this hasn't hit me yet

I'll hug you

wish you well

and cry by myself later

So many good people.

No matter how carefully I construct

our final conversation in my head

rehearsing the things I want to say

need to say to you

I'll falter when I look into your eyes

and know it's really happening.

So many good people.

As soon as you leave my words will return

I'll tell you what a wonderful person you are

inspiring

courageous

compassionate

selfless

loving

but you're already gone.

So many good people.

I'll thank you for the times we shared,

digging

fixing

cleaning

laughing

dancing

talking

crying

and I'll marvel at how blessed I've been to be here

So many good people.

I know I should be leaving.

I feel my place is elsewhere.

But that doesn't make it easier

My eyes don't stop leaking tears.

What a privilege it has been this year

to be happily surrounded by

so many incredible and beautiful people.

Walls

How does one privileged

living a blessed life

a storybook life

ever fully understand the plight of the poor

the ones the world has left behind

even if you care

even if you are intimately aware of the problems

that these unlucky ones bear

are you ever willing to fully share in their pain

to throw in your lot with the weak and the lame?

No.

You keep your distance

as they say all social service providers should do.

I'm just not sure that is the truth

or just one more lie we've created

to keep that distinction between them and me.

You and we.

There is this knot down within

that if I truly believe we are equal

that the qualities that unite us as people

are far more important than class, religion, gender, income level,

ethnicity, sexuality, geography...

that every excuse I can muster for

how we are different, separated, unique

pales in the light of our commonalities

that every wall I attempt to build

is simply filled with my fear

my unwillingness to give up the things I hold dear

as a lucky one.

A privileged one.

But walls of fear are lies

and they are thin

for even when we cannot see the problems

we can still hear the cries echoing in our souls.

Job Honesty

It happened today for the first time. Or, maybe not the first time, but the time I have felt MOST responsible. Today I felt the downside of manual labor, of that wonderful work I do that gives me visual confirmation every day of the difference I'm making, the people I'm helping. But today, after 3 days on a gas line, after already scheduling an inspection for tomorrow, I discovered my gas line had a leak.

It was right at the end of the day. We were packed up. The pressure test had held for a half hour. But suddenly we were losing air. Maybe Harvey or I nudged the pipe as we were screwing in support blocks. So, I got out the leak detector and started checking joints. None of the usual suspects were guilty. I checked more. None were leaking.

My frustration was building, as time passed and as I thought of the inspection I had called in. We wouldn't be able to get it inspected tomorrow. Our client, already without gas for almost 9 weeks, would have to wait at least another 2 days. The pride I had felt just an hour previous had already soured into bitter disappointment.

And I suppose that's the downside of my job sometimes. As incredible and rewarding as it can be to see your handwork at the end of a day, you can also see the lack of work.

Success is very visible, but so is failure.

Just another part of the journey.

Keep dreaming,

Luke

Motivational Statement

I just finished my motivational statement for the Americorps application, to be completed under 3000 characters. So, it is brief, but I think it captures why I am committed to the things I am.

I've spent my life doing community service in one form or another. My parents had me involved with various service projects from an early age, participating in the CROP Walk, buying animals for HEIFER for holidays instead of traditional gifts, saving my pennies in a Unicef bank. For me, there have been two particular transformative moments in taking ownership of these habits and lifestyle choices that my parents taught me early on: the 30 Hour Famine my senior year of high school, and my homebuilding trip to Mexico my sophomore year of college.

I had participated in the 30 Hour Famine a couple years prior to my senior year, but it was my senior year that we watched a video showing human aid workers delivering needed food, water, and medical supplies to those in desperate need. I watched that video, and something clicked. At that moment, spending a life working to alleviate the poverty of those in need, a life working to change the systems that put people in those situations, seemed the most fulfilling and meaningful life.

I tried to put that mentality to work in college, volunteering in a variety of capacities until my sophomore year I was able to join a coalition of 9 Yamhill County churches that yearly drive down to the Tijuana area of Mexico to build homes with Amor Ministries. I learned a lot about myself on that trip—I had the unique opportunity to join with 70 people I barely knew, and could redefine and reinvent myself. I worked so hard on that trip, and tried so hard to keep a positive attitude, that it became reality. More importantly, I saw poverty face to face for the first time, the kind of poverty that is around every corner in the U.S., but is pushed out of sight and out of mind by our culture.

I think when one sees that poverty, confronts that poverty face to face, with real people and real stories, one simply cannot help but act. There is no other option. For me, it is both a moral obligation and a obligation of faith. One thing is certain though: my life cannot look the same as it did with the knowledge that there are people who are suffering, who are not given the same opportunities and resources as I was. It is now about justice.

Over the past year I have worked as a full-time volunteer through the Presbyterian Church USA. My horizons keep expanding, the world keeps growing bigger, the problems more complex. And my sense of justice, my internal demand for equality, only continues to expand. Perhaps it is a blessing, perhaps a curse. Regardless, it is my motivation.

Mother Theresa said, “You can do no great things, only small things with great love.” Despite my awareness of the magnitude and gravity of the problems that surround us, I am desperately trying to live in that belief. I cannot change things by myself, but I can never underestimate the power one person can have on another person's life.

Borderlinks Trip

I apologize for the near-monthlong break between posts....I've had so much running through my mind lately that the time to digest and write has been somewhat few and far between.

I had the opportunity the first weekend of May to be a part of a Borderlinks delegation, a participant on the trips that my roommates Ali and Stevie routinely lead as part of their jobs here in Tucson. Borderlinks strives to educate about the border through experience and conversation, relying on the participant to push themselves, to ask questions, to learn through the experience. I want to share a few of my writings from the weekend.

One of those most powerful experiences was watching Operation Streamline, a required courtroom appearance for migrants picked up by border patrol to plead guilty to the misdemeanor of "crossing the border without going through a legal entry point." If migrants believe they have an actual case for an immigration judge, they will go through a different court system. But for these individuals, about 75 the day we were there, there is only one answer to all the questions asked: "Si. Yes."
They each wore chains around their wrists and their ankles, with an additional chain holding those together. Every movement was marked with the sound of bondage. An as they were called up in groups of 6 to plead guilty, swept through the legal system in a solid hour and a half, I have to ask....is this the justice?

Fear
confusion
on all sides
we look at them
pity in our eyes
but that's still the power card
just another part of the lie
they look at us
lost, alone, abandoned....defeated.
Friends or foes?
Every face in America
must seem hard and bitter.


People in power mill around
smiling, chatting
flaunting the fact that they aren't
seated, cuffed in two places,
unable to move without the
jingling of chains haunting every movement


what drove them to try
such a dangerous, difficult, STUPID task?
they look healthy, capable
just like me
their eyes tell their stories
some sad, humiliated, defeated
others defiant, proud
some even twinkle
and for those
I have hope.


Do they really know what is going on?
Is the the idea of justice they are getting?
Maybe they'll find out Arizona isn't all that great anyways
now that they're here
but that is desperation for you
no choices
you have to act
without thought or regard for what could happen


I feel so much anger
but I'm not sure at who
is it purposeful?
Does it help?
Does it DO anything?
No. Definitely not.
But this is an outrage.
I want to stand up and yell it!
If everyone could see this
if people in the States could SEE this
it couldn't stand....could it?
We aren't that inhuman, are we?
It reminds me of Bradley Manning
even an American citizen and soldier can't get justice
and we are still unwilling to act.
And that is apathy. Insulation.
This will be our downfall.


The emptiness grows
that knot in my stomach that started when I walked in and
saw the men and women on "trial"
And as each person leaves the courtroom, one less person
here in this experience with me, the
emptiness grows
the loneliness grows
as this cavernous courtroom becomes larger and
more desolate, lacking the warmth of any humanity
my emptiness grows
my aching accelerates
my heavy heart
feels like it just might
fall out of me.
We lose in this scenario too.
We leave empty.

And that is what is bothering me the most about all this. We're losing a war against ourselves. Our own fears, our insecurities. We feel entitled. Entitlement breeds laziness, laziness breeds ignorance. And sadly, that is reality for many in the border region. There is no reason to understand the situation of someone that has a different color skin or speaks a different language. We're scared to try. Because when we do, we no longer have the luxury of framing the situation as "us vs. them." They are us. And we are them.

Easter Sunday

A couple years ago, this was my Easter Sunday experience. I wrote about it that same day. And I think about it every year.

Easter Sunday

 I spent a little time talking with a good man by the road today 

He's 43 looks 65 but he's got a lot to say 

He says to me "son listen up right quick we don't have much time 

The good Lord gives and he takes away but things have turned out fine

  I ran away at the age of 18 learned the ropes from a wine-o others took to be mean 

I pick up cans and eat from the trash I've had gangs in LA kick my ass 

But Luke I tell you theres nothing that I need the Lord provides and takes care of me  

But do one thing if you would my brother

 Just pray for me  

 Pray for me. 

Pray for me."  

I spent a little time talking with a good man by the road today.  

I sat there in my slacks and tie and I listened to what he had to say.  

He tells me of the time he was making big cash but the roof caved in

 I took my eyes off the Lord he tells me and he turns to me with a grin  

"I tell you son you gotta have big faith the Lord will smile and show his face

 I trust people Luke and it can turn out bad but Luke I'll tell you bout the times I've had

 I've had a court date for 20 years but I've never shown up and I stopped drinking beers

 I choose this lifestyle is that so wrong? Me and "real life" just never got along..."  

I said "Damn..Wayne. I agree." 

He raises an eyebrow and he turns to me. 

 Before he said anything a car drove past...they waved for Wayne and he hopped up to greet them. 

 They gave him a flannel to help keep warm...and he gave it to me. Instantaneously.  

Without question. Or recognition. Wayne gave it to me.

I sat there, speechless for a couple long moments. 

I said thank you Wayne for thinking of me. 

He smiles, says “I got my coveralls bro but you don't got nothing!” 

 As I got up to leave I asked him one more time "Wayne how can I help I feel I've wasted your time!" 

And he thanks me then for stopping by 

and I gave him my number as we said goodbye

 God will take care of me he said he's always given me a place to lay my head 

So go on home and don't you worry but Luke please 

Pray for me.  

Pray for me.

 Pray for me. 

I spent some time with a wise friend on the road today.  

He's a child of God and he preached a sermon worthy of Easter Sunday.   

Snow in the Tucson Mountains!

We were supposed to go on a rafting trip, but due to forecasts in the 50's with rain, the trip was cancelled. Instead, we ended up in a cabin on Mt. Lemmon, the matriarch of the Catalina range that borders Tucson to the North. The second day there....it snowed.

Snowsounds

The snow makes noise

did you know that?

How often is it quiet enough to hear the snow come down

calm enough to feel it lightly kissing your lips

as it falls, dances, blankets the world.

The trees wear it as only royalty can

white, the color of purity and innocence.

the captivation of the eye

notable not for its lack of color

but for its lack of hue.

to be in the presence of this, the ceremony

bestowing the crown onto nature, with each

leaf, needle, flower, or pedal wearing it differently

consider yourself lucky

Many don't have the opportunity to see it.

Many don't want to.

Many can't.

So if you can

if you are there as the snow plays a quiet beating

drum as it ordains all of nature as kings and queens

You are lucky.

Baptism

Snow separates humanity from nature

As the elements, as Mother Nature is blessing the

land with moisture, with beauty, man hides away.

The trees rise as they always do, but now their garments are

gilded, shining white to offset the stately greens.

The ground itself is no longer brown, dull, dead, but instead

white! Pure! Innocent! NEW!

Man hides from such baptism.

We deny our true place in the royal order, naught but a servant,

in favor of playing the king, the queen....the tyrant.

We have neither the patience nor the fortitude to wait for nature to crown us

as only She can.